What is this movie you’ve been hearing about? “An Oscar favorite? I’ve never heard of this movie!” That’s what I thought when I first heard about this Netflix Original. So, I watched it. And now I will break it down for you.
This movie has about 30 really intense minutes. The rest is pretty boring and sometimes just downright weird.
Ok, I get that the hour and 30 minutes of absolute nothingness is setting up the actually good scenes, but it’s more than your average human can take.
There are some really strange scenes spread throughout the movie that kind of kept me awake, quite honestly. Let you tell me about the first one:
So, I’m sitting there, watching, thinking to myself “this isn’t really going anywhere”. The main girl gets set up on a double date, but last second peel off from the other couple and say “let’s go to the park”. Hard cut to the dude she was on a date with, standing in a bathroom in the nude. He slowly takes the shower curtain rod off, and walks into an adjoining bedroom. And then this dude, completely buck naked, starts to do some karate moves. He’s swinging the pole around and yelling and acting super intense. I started dying laughing.
Later, there’s a forest fire scene. A lot of people are scrambling around and throwing water on the fire. And then into the foreground of the shot walks this drunk guy in a freaking bear costume. And he starts singing. For 3 minutes. THREE MINUTES of a guy in a bear costume singing. It’s like they were making the film and decided the scene wasn’t interesting enough, so they put this guy in there. Seriously? You couldn’t put this guy in any other scene? You put him in front of the most interesting scene to date? Come on.
But, I have to say, the 30 minutes of this movie that are good, are really good. Leading up to this literally all we learn is that this girl is a maid for a rich family, and then gets pregnant. Also, the wife and husband that she works for are getting a divorce. And… that’s it. Congratulations you now know the first hour and a half of this movie. I kid you not. But after that, it picks up. It picks up in an ‘I don’t want to watch this but it’s too intense (and sad) to look away’. There were some twists in there that kind of got me. That part’s good.
When you watch this movie, you will definitely say to yourself “I could see this winning an Oscar”. And I think it probably will. The movie seems like the writer sat down and decided to make an Oscar-winning film. Not a good film. Not an entertaining film. An Oscar film. And that is what it is.
So, congratulations Alfonso Cuarón. You made a movie that nobody except critics will like, but a movie that a lot of people will watch and convince themselves they like because smart film people told them it was good. I hope you’re happy.
How to watch: Netflix (this was the first ever Netflix Original nominated for best picture, and obviously would be the first one to win)